In an attempt to take dating by the balls and into my own hands, I concluded I needed to dive back in head-first.
Since I don’t trust my friends to set me up and I never seem to meet anyone when I’m out, I decided online dating was the only logical option. PlentyofFreaks.com, OkStupid.com, and Stupid.com are definitely not sites for me (if I was just interested in a hook-up, I’d look through my phone…); I may as well stand out on a street corner for the same effect. I wasted 45345 hours of my single life filling out the questionnaire for eHumorous.com only for them to tell me I’m not for them. “Unfortunately we are unable to match you with anyone at this time…” (Shut the fuck up! Tell me something I don’t already know?)
So I settled with the best of the worst and jumped back on Snatch.com. It’s been nothing but overwhelming and down-right annoying (I so quickly forgot).
To lower the odds that my dating mishaps were in fact only my fault (surely it couldn’t be?!?), I decided to take a more serious and softer (less abrasive) approach to it this time. I changed my profile (who knew being forward and upfront was detracting?), added nearly 20 photos (to clear any confusion of what I might actually look like in person), and vowed to myself to be more open, less judgmental on the front end. Surely I would find a few guys I was interested in seeing….
Of the 5294 people to view my profile (at the time of writing this) and nearly two days of sifting through the winks, “interests”, and emails, I literally found maybe six or seven guys I would even consider contacting or pursuing further (Trust me when I tell you I’m being less judgmental and more open to different types). The said six or seven were compiled after two days of re-searching, relooking, looking again, and pulling a few from the JV team.
Now, I don’t claim to be the most beautiful person I know (nearly), but seriously?!? I can’t decide if I’m more shocked by the type of men pursuing me or if I have some serious renegotiating with my ego to deal with.
Me: Funny, intelligent, attractive, no children, employed, and SINGLE!!!
Them: Missing teeth, quasi-humorous, slight intelligence (masked by horrible spelling and grammar), looks hidden by sunglasses and baseball hats (if they have a photo at all), has one to six children, and are SEPARATED or “I’ll explain later”
To spare you the boring parts which make up my online dating life, I will give you the brief synopsis of the appalling thus far:
- I was “favorited” by a 72 year old attorney (who is 5’5)
- I received not one, but TWO emails from men asking if I was “a good ride…”
- The same fake profile has winked at me twice now…and then nothing (Snatch should make it a little less obvious)
- A 43 year old (with zero chance) winked, “favorited”, “interested”, and emailed me in the same day. He was so persistent in fact, that even after I declined him each time, and BLOCKED him, he changed his profile name and proceeded with the process all over again (because I’m clearly not going to know or remember it’s the same man…)
At this point, I’m falling into a dating depression; I’m reeling, trying to figure out what on earth would make these men think they have a chance?!?
Questions I can’t seem to find the answers to:
- Why would anyone pay for a dating website when they are married and/or in a relationship (and waste my damn time)?!?
- Why would anyone go on an online dating site, but never take the necessary steps to actually join with a paying membership? (What good is it to simply wink at people, when you can’t actually email them, talk to them, or pursue them further?)
- Why do we fill out profiles if no one is actually going to read them? (I mean, I don’t know about you….but I’m not kidding about what I have on there)
In an effort to change up my dating habits while keeping some sort of positive attitude, I’ve even tried to look at dating the same way as I did when I was in sales (surely the odds were the same): The more you contact, means the more you’d likely be interested in, means there would be more worth meeting, which would conclude that there’s bound to be one worth getting to know/dating further….
(I was rather good at sales, I excelled actually…so why am I so horrible at dating?)
Other things I’ll never understand or have noted:
- Usernames such as: BigDaddy4U, CarpenterCok321, and LuvJuggs69 WILL NOT get you a date
- Profiles without pictures should not be allowed (at all) on dating sites
- The options for declining someone’s wink and/or email should be variable. Sometimes “thanks for considering me, but we’re just not a good match” simply does not portray the correct level of harshness you’re looking for
- It’s creepy when someone emails you, addressing you by first name (when you’ve never told them) or when they tell you they’re sure they’ve “seen you out”
- I’m not interested in being anyone’s pen pal (nurture a faux e-lationship with someone else)
If I make it out of the email overload alive (online dating for women) while remaining hopeful, it should be a good sign. In the past I met a few guys on here I liked seriously and was interested in, so I’m still optimistic. I’m simply putting myself out there with the hopes of pursuing someone I want to know further. Who knows? It could be fun.
At the very least, it’s providing me with loads of writing material and a few great stories… Because if something ridiculous, unheard-of, or just plain crazy is going to happen…it’s going to happen to me.
- The Mistakes Men Make When Online Dating… (themalepov.wordpress.com)
- To Pay or Not To Pay That is the ? (hotchild2012.wordpress.com)
- Match.com is a Perfect Example of the Surprising Statistics of Online Dating Site Subscribers (virtual-strategy.com)